Every so often, I lose my thread in life. Apathy and lethargy take over and just getting through the day becomes an effort. I struggle to sleep at night, and get out of bed in the morning. Writing, blogging, anything that takes any kind of effort, falls to the wayside. My thoughts are muddled, fuzzy, and I feel overwhelmed and struggle to think straight. I get a weird pulsing in my right eyelid, and I’m so, so hungry. I can eat All The Food and still go back for more. Oh, and drink coca cola. Not something I ever normally drink, but suddenly, I’m downing cans of it with relative ease. And I pretty much start hating everyone. I can do the basics – look after myself, go to work and do what I have to – I cook, keep the house relatively clean and go shopping at 9.30pm for cans of coke. But everything feels like a struggle, until I can shake off this mental, physical, creative and even spiritual, fatigue.
I’m coming through a phase of this just now. It usually lasts a week to ten days, I think this time its been about a week. I’ve been late for work both days this week (which is OK as I have time to use up), plus I was late at the end of last week and had long lies at the weekends. I’ve hardly written a word, and I’ve had this constant feeling of overwhelm. I’ve often wondered what causes this and I’ve kept meaning to keep a record. I had a theory which was a bit new age-y but not impossible. I’m now close to thinking that my theory is right.
A good thing I’ve discovered about my morning pages, is that I can look back and see what I was thinking on a particular day in a previous year. And from the 4th until 10th February 2014, I was feeling exactly – I mean exactly – the same as I’ve felt this year.
Today is the first day this year that’s really felt like spring. The starlings and sparrows at work seemed livelier than normal, the weather was mild and the sun was shining, yellow crocuses had appeared in the garden. I still struggled to get out of bed but compared to yesterday, I had more energy throughout the day and right now, I feel like I can see and think clearly, I feel ready for action.
Either way, I’m ready for spring.
(EDIT – googled this after posting and it does appear to be A Thing…)